Yes, I’m a mathematics major

Everyone, and I mean, everyone keeps asking me why I majored in mathematics. Some with an amused look on their face, some with a horrified look but there is always a look and it is almost always a rhetorical question. And before I can delve into a carefully articulate, well-thought out but still simple explanation, they discard me as either

a) weird or

b) confused or

c) having poor career planning skills or

d) boring or

e) some of the above or worse,

f) all of the above

Most of the people assume that mathematicians should be teaching- only teaching. Some actually wonder aloud what a mathematician can do that could be of any value in or contribution to real life (other than teaching i.e.)

So I thought I should write about it; clear some misconceptions, put some perspective out there, educate my fellow human beings who think math is a waste of space and is limited to hurried calculations and long, heavily symbolized formulas that are just a pain to learn; who are only too happy to scrape a passing grade without actually learning anything… 

Before I come back to this blog and get down to writing the real thing, let me leave you with a simple question: How do airlines figure out their routes- which flight should go to which location at which time with which staff?

Let me just tell you, it is not by trial and error.

Related articles

• Missing math (humasattars.wordpress.com)

Here’s how to get over …L.o.v.e

Here it is guys, a list that every broken hearted soul needs and, needs like a vengeance. How to get over the annoyingly hurtful, emotionally exhausting, frustratingly constant feeling that makes your heart beat like a ping-pong ball on a freakingly smooth table. Yes, sir. And we all know it hurts. Not just in the head, but everywhere. What to do then?

1) Avoid anything to do with love like you would a dengue machar. Avoid love websites, love movies, love songs, love videos, love TV shows, love cartoons (yeah there are those), love books, love quotes..  anything starting or ending with the word love, anything that has love anywhere in between, even a little glimpse, a little peep through the peephole, avoid it. Stay faaaaar away from it. Douse yourself in a figurative love-repellant.

2) Followed by #1 is ofcourse, do the opposite. Watch scary movies, horror movies, murder mysteries, something with lots of blood and killing and swearing and hatred and NO sign of love or romance or crushes or attractions … And by the way, vampire diaries and true blood and most of all the Twilight series (real *gag*) do NOT come under this category so stop that download right this second. Its fake blood; not the real deal. You can read Christopher’s Pike; reviewing the books and movies before you read and watch is always a plus. If there is a girl and a boy in it, it is pretty much out.

3) This is a voodoo spell which works wonders. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete that horrid human being (it doesn’t matter if you broke up with them- you are the good party here)  from your facebook, gmail, hotmail, yahoo, googleplus, stumbleupon, your new phone, your old phone… whereever they are listed. Block as well. Do not for even a second think of reading any of the emails or messages. Delete them all. Purge yourself from the whaft of their very existence. If someone asks you in that tone: “so how is (insert name here) doing?” You look at them and say: “who (insert name here)?”

No really. When you have done it enough times, you will actually start believing your response.

4) Distract yourself. Tried. Tested. Tried various times again. Read books (but consult #1 on this list first), watch shows or movies, write if you like writing, play a gruelling, extreme physical activity sport if you are into that kind of a thing, try punching bag if you are angry, you can also throw things around you (mind, not too precious or you will regret it later) but throwing things always helps; transmitting your fury onto another object is so liberating. You could even do some or all of the following:

a) Get hold of a cat, hold it by the tail and pull it behind you like a sack of potatoes until it yelps and struggles.

b) Pull your brothers’ hair, throw water at them while they are sleeping, snatch the laptop from them while they are working on it or turn off power, or worse, take out the internet cable. Any kind of similar torture to fellow human beings would work as long as it is… well, torturous. If it gets an angry response out of them, all the better.

5) Eat. Hog. Munch. Splatter food while at it. It is okay to talk with your mouth full. Trust me, food is and can be the answer to all your questions. Why did he leave you? Try the new lays, barbeque flavor. Why he likes another girl? Try the news lays, cream and onion. Why he won’t return your calls? Try the ooooooh, the dark chocolate or just go to Dunkin Donuts. If nothing works, hog on some good ol’ tasty biryani. You are entitled to junk, spicy, oily and greasy fried pleasantries and ofcourse, carbs! You can worry about weight watch a little time later (not too late though or this would be your last break up :p )

6) Last of all, and this is a serious one. Talk. It. Out. To yourself. To your best friend. To your diary. To your blog. Do things you love. You like singing? Sing. You like playing an instrument? Play. You like bitching about people? Bitch. You like gossping? Gossip. You like Shopping? Shop. Do not reminsce about the nice, comfortable, happy ‘couply’ days. They were a figment of your imagination (this should be your frame of mind for at least the first few weeks. Otherwise, you will be a walking, talking, train wreck and people will be asking about that smeared mascara which you did not notice because you were not bawling infront of a mirror )…..

And well, if nothing works, take Xanax (two 0.5 mg tablets) and go to sleep.

Caution: I understand the last advice might be hazardous in some way so take it at your own bloody risk and do not OD, because the whole point is to get over the person, not your life, hello! *rolls eyes*

Also, incase you want to know more about what this ‘love’ actually is, read here. I have a theory :p

I am not actually laughing, you know!

X: Hey, whats up?

Y: Nothing much, just woke up, lol

X: Oh just now? hey I heard your car broke down last night. Everything okay?

Y: Yeah, sure lol. Nothing happened. I took a bus back home lol, no big deal

X: Did you parents scold you?

Y: Parents? No, lolxx. I live with my wife. She tried to kick me out of the house lol. In front of my kids. lol

X:  Wife? Just the other day you were getting scolded. Who was that?

Y: Lol, that was my wife. lol. I am starving

X: Dude, then go eat

Y: Lol. I didn’t think of that. Arright, catch you later LOL, bye.

Needless to say, I want to kill this Y person.

You see, I have disliked the term (I refuse to call it word) ‘lol’ since the first time I came across it back when chat rooms and mIRC was the thing. Alright, no, I chose the wrong verb. I do not dislike it. I hate it. I abhor it. If it had physical existence, I would squeeze  the life out of it. I am doing it mentally right now as I write this blog.

Over time, new slangs were discovered and coined, various different derivatives or shall I say extropolations of lol materialized but lol never ’lolled out’ of fashion. You must have heard of:

rofl: roll of the floor laughing, lmao: laugh my ass off, rotflmao: roll of the floor laughing my ass off . Then there is lm(insert swear word here)ao and  so on, you get the picture. All these are annoying granted, but lol really takes the cake.  And its not like people are actually laughing out loud. ’Lol’ is so commonly used, it has become the standard response to something you have no reponse to, or something you don’t even find remotely amusing or funny, or something you find sarcastic, or something you are rolling your eyes at… Some people say they like the all-encompassing characteristic of lol. If nothing occurs to you, use lol, if you want to be vague, use lol, if you are bored, use lol… but then the real question is, how can you possibly feel comfortable using a word which has no definite meaning. No, thats not the real question.  The real question is, how can you possibly feel comfortable using a word that goes ‘lol’. Just the sound of it makes me cringe. And yes, I know it is not used in verbal conversations but the sound is still there, rolling on your tongue almost like a bad taste in the mouth and it is just plain gross? intolerable? despicable? Trust me, calling it names is almost cathartic to me. I really cannot explain to you how much I hate it.

And anyway, why use ‘lol’ when you can use a good ol’ hearty ‘haha’? What is this sudden need to express everything you ever feel in one word which essentially does not even mean anything? Are you laughing out loud or rolling your eyes, one never knows. They say it is used for brevity’s sake, like shortened words -oh but that is another story altogether and I shall write about that too because I happen to have a very strong opinion on that- you want brevity? I’ll give you brevity. Make that hahahahaha to haha. See?

Nevertheless, underneath this illogical hatred, there is ofcourse a valid reason to get panicked. Oxford Dictonary declaring it a word, for instance. Thats right, folks! It has been written down in history as a legitmate word. It is not only panicking, it is scary; the internet slang language is infiltrating the written and read english language and we are sitting here fueling it.

Alas, here I am writing about how criminal a sin it is to deliberately deteriorate murder the language like this and all around the world, it is being typed out unapolgetically, over and over and over again in different forms (lol, lolz, looolz, loooolzz, lolxx, lolzzzz), fonts, sizes and shapes.

Yes maybe somewhere in the world, another word like lol is also being envisioned as we speak. (Ever heard of TWF) But I do not see Lol disappearing anywhere the way Blimey and Golly did. (Don’t they sound like twin-sister characters from Enid Blyton?)

And incase you are wondering, TWF means ‘that was funny’. Lol.

Related articles

• What ‘lol’ doesn’t mean – but could (guardian.co.uk)